intimacy after baby, postpartum project couples articleLet’s be honest here, after the birth of your baby, the last thing you are thinking about is your relationship with your husband or partner. Intimacy after baby? Your main concerns are the health and care of your baby. This is all new. Its scary and confusing. You now have a tiny helpless baby in your care.

Having a baby is a life-changing event, and relationship changing event as well. What worked between you both may not work anymore. How you gave and received love may not be possible anymore. Remember… everything changed! Your relationship also has to change. It needs to evolve. You are no longer just a couple, you are a family. How can you now give ad receive love as part of a family unit?

Here are easy ways to create intimacy after baby:

  1. Share the new ‘awe’ moments together: When you check on your baby and he is sleeping so adorably, call your partner over and enjoy the moment together. By sharing your emotions of love and joy for your baby you are connecting with your partner at the same time.
  2. Recognize the newness of this transition: “You will be such a great father.”, “I can’t wait to watch you become an amazing mother.” These simple statements and gestures pass heartfelt emotional energy, which is connection.
  3. Ask for what you need clearly: Yes, this is about connection. Its saying… “I need you and you can help me.” Whatever it is. For example, you may be feeding your baby and ask your partner for a glass of water. This simple gesture can be about connection if you hold it that way.
  4. Say please and thank you: Intentionally being kind to your partner is amazing. Its loving and intimate. It speaks volumes. It says you are both in this together and you appreciate one another. You both are riding a roller coaster of emotion and those simple points where you can be thankful for his/her actions are very important. If you have a need and your partner fills it, say thank you. The end result is you feel supported by your partner and he/she feels helpful and needed.
  5. Ask, “How are you doing?”: This shows you care. This can also be tricky. This works when you let your partner have his/her feelings. If you deny them or defend against them, it won’t work. Remember that you are both feeling scared, tired, frustrated, hopeful, and everything else that you can imagine. So when you ask you partner how he/she is doing, make sire you respond with love and kindness and you will both feel connected.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love